He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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