he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
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He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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