After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
