you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the day after is always just damage control
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
