I want to have your abortion
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
