This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.