Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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