I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.