i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.