I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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