i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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