last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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