I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
