Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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