Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have feelings that need drinking.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
