Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
