i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
