I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
handjob tips. give me some.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
