i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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