so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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