tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
