There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
