it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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