ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
