I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
