you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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