took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
