Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
