I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
