Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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