haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
