I'm going to jail i love you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
