I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
