Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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