I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
