I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
