Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
