This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
