I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
