Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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