Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
