It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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