Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

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  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (15718) Bad night (1308)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...

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  (613): Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry... http://tfl.nu/3gdb
  Replies (51) Good night (6497) Bad night (947)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon

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  (403): well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon http://tfl.nu/7c63
  Replies (6) Good night (3547) Bad night (1038)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.

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  (407): I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila. http://tfl.nu/7js5
  Replies (9) Good night (3036) Bad night (1054)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.

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  (724): Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips. http://tfl.nu/myh4
  Replies (5) Good night (2779) Bad night (917)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.

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  (406): You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it. http://tfl.nu/4hyg
  Replies (9) Good night (1251) Bad night (2740)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

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  (678): I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school. http://tfl.nu/ax1k
  Replies (14) Good night (3982) Bad night (917)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.

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  (910): Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook. http://tfl.nu/qwbp
  Replies (11) Good night (1343) Bad night (892)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.

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  (763): she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick. http://tfl.nu/by59
  Replies (5) Good night (681) Bad night (1349)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking

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  (503): ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking http://tfl.nu/1308
  Replies (6) Good night (1430) Bad night (460)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'

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  (+61): it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride' http://tfl.nu/25m4
  Replies (4) Good night (1443) Bad night (492)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.

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  (330): My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story. http://tfl.nu/g1cp
  Replies (6) Good night (1118) Bad night (481)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.

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  (904): I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing. http://tfl.nu/6kf7
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (340)
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  (858): View more from California

  I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste

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  (858): I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste http://tfl.nu/n85y
  Replies (1) Good night (250) Bad night (513)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel

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  (828): Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel http://tfl.nu/loun
  Replies (3) Good night (319) Bad night (213)

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