Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize