There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.