Texts From Last Night

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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Call me "white mamba"

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake

  (251): View more from Alabama

  It is white.

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  (251): Call me "white mamba" (334): Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake (251): It is white. http://tfl.nu/1p0c
  Replies (5) Good night (1219) Bad night (1644)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.

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  (252): I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real. http://tfl.nu/u784
  Replies (20) Good night (854) Bad night (3271)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.

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  (334): The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/m75t
  Replies (13) Good night (1380) Bad night (3348)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

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  (513): you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp http://tfl.nu/1q8y
  Replies (23) Good night (4877) Bad night (845)
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  (714): View more from California

  i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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  (714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick http://tfl.nu/4tuf
  Replies (35) Good night (7743) Bad night (1240)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water

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  (508): He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water http://tfl.nu/2dzm
  Replies (11) Good night (2527) Bad night (3308)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

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  (309): I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season. http://tfl.nu/pxkc
  Replies (14) Good night (3665) Bad night (1314)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.

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  (218): just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high. http://tfl.nu/mss3
  Replies (23) Good night (2541) Bad night (1202)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.

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  (412): Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab. http://tfl.nu/yqci
  Replies (5) Good night (1368) Bad night (714)
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  (818): View more from California

  the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes

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  (818): the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes http://tfl.nu/djiq
  Replies (2) Good night (1159) Bad night (566)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.

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  (814): For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives. http://tfl.nu/zjhm
  Replies (1) Good night (1368) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her

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  (306): I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her http://tfl.nu/gvy3
  Replies (6) Good night (656) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.

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  (760): I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube. http://tfl.nu/kpp6
  Replies (7) Good night (714) Bad night (402)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet

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  (443): Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet http://tfl.nu/rex9
  Replies (0) Good night (314) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch

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  (404): I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch http://tfl.nu/5kdg
  Replies (0) Good night (399) Bad night (223)

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