these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass