she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
