There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now