Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
