my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
