tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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