I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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