Cold hands, warm shart.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
