I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
