Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
