she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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