My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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