girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The best revenge is premature balding
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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