the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i came on her dog
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
