Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
