I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
