She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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