I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
