Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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