Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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