I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
