Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
