Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
