He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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