the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
